A Lifetime of Sunsets
by Vain
Summary: Ken considers his current state of affairs and receives some helpful advice from Minomon.


A Lifetime of Sunsets  
By: Vain (Vainglorious696) 5/31/2001  
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This is my first Digimon fan fiction, so please be kind. Flamers will be terminated (actually, I'll probably just delete your e-mail and repress any and all memory of it and the events surrounding it), so please be gentle. I may be Vain, but my ego is not totally impenetrable. Suggestions and helpful criticism are welcome and all of my stories are located at my web site. I neither own Digimon, nor Ken, nor Wormmon, nor Minomon (although I wish I did): they actually belong to Fox Kids, some Japanese people, and Saban Entertainment (I think). Oh, and by the way, I'm American and my only digi experience is through fan fiction and Fox Kids (God bless 'em) so all names and character portrayals are based on the US version (and yes, I know his name is actually Ichijouji Ken and I don't have a clue as to how to spell "Tamache"). The line "I can't wait for the day you decide to join us" or something like that, was e-mailed to Ken from Yolie in the episode Spirit Needle. Disclaimers and whatnot aside, ENJOY THE FIC!   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ken Ichijouji stood on the beach with his hands clenched at his sides. The faint beginnings of sunset illuminated half of his face and cast strange pools of shadows beneath his eyes as yesterday's events turned themselves over and over again in his mind.  
  
I can't wait for the day you decide to join us . . .  
  
He closed his eyes and his porcelain face contorted in pain.   
  
. . . join us . . .  
  
Yeah, right. Like that could ever happen.  
  
Ken's memories of his time as the Digimon Emperor were hazy and filled with holes, as were all of his recollections about the past five years, but he knew enough to understand what he had been--what he still was: a monster. A monster of the worst sort, too; one who used the defense of innocence to commit his heinous crimes. One who hid his darkness behind the most angelic of faces. One of the quiet ones, whom no one would ever suspect.  
  
It's always the quiet ones, he thought grimly.  
  
But who would have ever suspected "Little Ken Ichijouji?" After all, he was a genius. He was the Rocket. He was perfect. He was . . .  
  
"Utterly worthless."  
  
"What did you say, Ken?"  
  
Ken forced his face to smooth out and unclenched his fists before looking down at his digimon partner. "I thought that you were playing, Minomon."  
  
"Oh," the little cacoon digimon yawned, "I got tired."   
  
He blinked his large eyes sleepily and regarded his human for a moment in silence. Ken's calm expression didn't fool him for an instant; he knew the pain that lay deep within those sapphire eyes and creased the smooth skin behind his silk curtain of raven hair. The little in-training digimon wiggled his flipper-like arms and bounced up and down. "Ken."  
  
With a small half smile, Ken's version of laughter, the boy bent down and lifted Minomon with strong, gentle hands. The digimon made a happy noise and wiggled his arms in delight. He loved it when Ken held him and it was something that had rarely occurred in the past. Ken was warm and strong and always held him tight enough so that he knew he was safe and protected, but never so tight that he couldn't slip out of his arms. Moreover, both Wormmon's baby form, Leafmon, and in-training form, Minomon, craved physical contact and used it to become stronger. Like all digimon, the more he was loved, the more powerful he became in all his digivolutions.   
  
When Ken had been the Emperor, Wormmon had never been touched in kindness, and as a result had grown weaker and weaker as time passed. It had been a source of great humiliation for him, having been soundly defeated by both Gatomon and Patamon when Ken had needed him. But now those days were over for both of them, and Ken was back, really back forever, and Wormmon was never going to lose him again. He didn't think that Ken could survive the darkness again.  
  
Ken's gaze drifted back out over the ocean and a small shiver slid up and down his spine. The water looked cool and inviting and dusk was falling quickly.   
  
Mother will be worried if I don't come home soon, Ken reminded himself. Ever since I disappeared she's been so agitated. One more strike against me.   
  
Ken squeezed his eyes shut. What have I done? Why am I so stupid?!  
  
"Stop it."  
  
Ken opened his eyes and looked down at his partner. A small crease of concern marred Minomon's brow and his arms were wrapped around Ken's biceps imploringly. "You're doing it again-- you've got that look. Please stop. It scares me when you're like this."  
  
He didn't have to vocalize his fears, they both knew what he was talking about. They both knew that Ken was too withdrawn lately. That he had been staring at a bottle of sleeping pills just a little too long last night. They both knew about the cuts on top of his arm and the real reason the purple handled scissors were missing. Minomon had been horrified to see Ken cut himself. That had frightened him more than anything the Digimon Emperor had ever done.  
  
Ken smiled his little smile again, his eyes pools of turmoil. An indescribable emotion rippled over his face like a stone thrown into a lake, and then his features were expressionless once more. "I'm sorry, my friend."   
  
There were times when he wanted to down that whole bottle of pills, when he wanted to disappear just like Sam had and leave someone else to worry about his destiny. But that was the coward's way out, and he had been a coward for too long now to continue along that path. The scissors incident baffled him, though. He really didn't understand why he had slashed his arm so deeply and viscously without provocation. He had no intention of hitting the artery (the cut went along the top of his arm), but the impulse to cut himself had just been so strong . . .  
  
I just wanted to see how it would feel, he had told his furious digimon as he held the throbbing limb beneath the bathroom faucet.  
  
How did you think it would feel?  
  
He couldn't recall Minomon ever being so angry before. In fact, he couldn't recall Minomon ever being angry at all.  
  
Well, it feels better that me!  
  
The little digimon had been taken aback by that, abruptly understanding that Ken hadn't been concerned with how his arm would feel, but instead was seeking some distraction from the emotional turmoil he had lived in since the Emperor's downfall.  
  
Now, looking into the last embers of sunlight reflected in his human's eyes, he heard Ken's angry words again and remembered how the blood had been candy red against the porcelain sink and Ken's face had looked so pale trapped beneath his disheveled hair. He snuggled deeper into Ken's arms, suddenly cold. They both turned back to the ocean and were silent for a time.  
  
When the last sliver of the sun finally slipped below the lip of the horizon, Minomon tilted his head back and regarded Ken for a moment. "I always loved watching the sunset with you," he said sleepily, breaking the silence.  
  
The boy genius looked down and lifted an inquisitive eyebrow. "And we've done this before?"   
  
The little digimon nodded and turned back to the ocean. "Before . . . before everything happened, when you first came to the digital world, we did. They were very special times to me and I think of them whenever you're away."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Minomon yawned, opening his bud of a mouth wider than Ken would have believed possible if he had not seen him eat before. It was simply astounding how much food an in-training digimon could eat. The cacoon digimon blinked slowly before responding. "Sunsets are supposed to be an ending, but it never felt that way with you."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Mmm-hmm. With you, I always knew that no matter how long or dark or cold the night was, or how afraid or alone I felt, the sun would rise again and you would come back to me. And I was right; the sun always comes again, and you always come back Ken, no matter what. That's why I'm you're friend and I believe in you. You always come back, just like the sun. When I think of that, I'm not so sad, no matter how bad things are."  
  
He didn't look up, but he knew that Ken was smiling. Satisfied, Minomon closed his eyes and felt sleep creeping up on him. "Hey, Ken," he whispered.  
  
"Yeah, Minomon?"  
  
"I'll always come back, too."  
  
The silence returned, a comforting quiet this time, and Ken looked away from the purple sky to see Minomon asleep in his arms. His eyes blurred and he blinked angrily several time; he hated crying like nothing else. The digimon burrowed deeper into his arms in response.  
  
Sometimes Ken wondered which one of them was supposed to be the genius.   
  
With a tired sigh that seemed to come from his toes, the boy freed an arm, reached down, and picked up his school bag. He really needed to get home and study. His father hadn't been pleased with the results on his last math test- he had practically been at the bottom of his class- and, although he tried to hide it, Ken knew that the failing grade worried the achievement-oriented man. Mrs. Ichijouji had taken the teacher's phone call much better than her husband and served chicken parmesan that night, a meal she thought to be Ken's favorite.  
  
His steps were heavy as he walked towards Tamache Station, but they didn't seem to drag across the ground as they had when he had come to the beach. The monster was still inside him- that would never change- but maybe, just maybe, things could still be okay. After all, he had Wormmon by his side again, stronger than ever, and Wormmon understood him like no one else could--like no one else would dare.   
  
Ken stopped and turned back, watching with a certain satisfaction as the last of the orange and pinks were swallowed by a deepening purple. A half smile danced on his lips, but never quite surfaced, as he savored an alien peace he hadn't known in years. It was only momentary, he knew, but he had no intention of wasting it.   
  
Perhaps this, too, can be endured, he thought. After all, whatever may happen to me, it's not going to be the end of the world tomorrow. The sun will rise again and again and again, regardless of what I now become to any world. This is the nature of things.  
  
Then Ken Ichijouji, the genius, the Rocket, the fallen Digimon Emperor, turned around and headed towards the station, acutely aware of the precious creature in his arms.  
  
I can't wait for the day you decide to join us . . .  
  
Maybe that day would come soon, but only time would tell.  
  
He approached the station confidently, the wind sweeping back his hair and then throwing it into his face again. Night had settled in by now and somewhere crickets were humming their delight. Finally, the smile escaped Ken's lips and his blue eyes regained their former glow, reminiscent of happier days. One sunset down, a lifetime to go. And who knows-- I might even live to see them all.   
  
  
  
  



End file.
